themacmans rants

Well, Well for the last hour I have been playing around with Googles docs and spreadsheets tools. Last summer I had signed up for the spreadsheet function as I have reports I do for work and I thought that would be a good way to alway have access as I am gone a lot of the time. With Tammi being in the hospital so much it would have worked out except my employer blocked the access. anyhow, I just uploaded a letter I had written to my daughter when I noticed that the docs function (formerly Writely) had an export to pdf function. I love that as I use it in my openoffice program to change my report to a pdf for easier emailing to various people within the company. I know ms office has alot more functions than either openoffice or google docs, but for the general user both are quite functional, adequate and best of all free. I like the ability to store my docs online for access whenever I need them, but I do have to be online to get at them.

To tell another person how they should feel or what the should do. I am really worked up into a tizzy over someone I have never met telling me I should do this or do that. Right now, I need to vent and this is the place to do it. Whether this person is just someone pulling a mean prank or they really are who they say they are, it makes me uncomfortable that they say they are "watching me" just because I made the choice to no let go of my feelings for someone. I watch and read Dr. Phil quite alot and I follow his teachings almost cult like, simply because I gained alot of knowledge and wisdom about life at at time when I needed guidenance and direction. And I think if I was letting my feelings for someone keep me from performing at my work or I was neglecting my children, Dr. Phil would be in my face telling me to "get real". But it is just the opposite, my feelings for this person are what keep me focused on my priorities. Raising my daughter, re-entering my son's life, excelling at my job so I can better provide for them. I have re-evaluated my life and where I want to go with it. I have become focused on certain goals and dreams and what I need to do to make them come true. This person has upset me because they think they are helping me when I already have all the help I need. They have just managed to upset what was a perfectly good day with some mean and uncalled for rhetoric. I think if I could stand face to face with this person right now I would kick their ass from Texas to South Dakota. How dare they tell me I should let go of feelings that are mine alone to experience. KISS MY ASS, YOU MOTHERF**KER!!!. I will move on when I am good and ready and not you or anyone else will tell me different. I work, pay my bills, raise my daughter and keep busy with hobbies I have. What part of that is "not moving on"? Unfortutanetly, and I am not proud of this, but I have been through this before and I know there will come a time when I will be ready to meet someone. It is just that this is not the time. The memories, for me at least, are way too fresh in my memory and in my heart. When, and only when, I no longer think of her whenever I am out doing something, is when I might want to find someone new. The longer I go in this journey (now 11 months and 1 day), the more I realize that even when I no longer think of her, I still don't want someone else in my life. I mean why? Just so they can do the same and let me down, disappoint me? That is the last thing I want once again. I have loved and lost, and I still love someone, so I have no need to find someone else. Life is too short, that is why I live life now instead of waiting to share it with someone. My daughter is nearly grown up and I don't want to miss another day of her life. I will be 40 soon so I am already on the downhill side of my life. Just because I choose to remember a past love than find someone new is my choice to make.

i have not posted here in several months, but nowit is time to once again rant about things going on in this world. today i am writing about the hypocrisy of marriage as it pertains to the seperation of church and state. our country was founded on many principles that were ahead of the way of thinking at that time. one of those beliefs was the seperation of church and state. now our children cannot say the pledge of allegiance in school and they cannot pray before a football game. but we can get married in a church and it has political ramifications. by uniting in marriage in a church, people also are now bound in legal ways that were never part of what the institution of marriage is all about. marriage, as a commitment between two people should have no legal ramifications, yet long after a divorce is granted, it still does. now the government, which should have no presence in a religious event, says that if two people that love each other but just happen to be of the same sex cannot have all the rights and legal privelages that two people of opposite sex can have. it is inhuman to treat these people as less than what others are just because they are of the same sex. a life long partner is just that, a life long partner. the only union that we should call a marriage, is one performed in a church by a religious leader. all others, whether between heterosexual or homosexual partners should be called "civil unions". how can we consider a homosexual person that wants the same rights and privelages of a heterosexual an less of a human? i am a heterosexual male, but i am also a human being and all humans must be treated the same. long before there were black slaves there were slaves of all skin colors and to this day slavery persists in this world in many forms. it is unforgiveable that we are squabbling over marriages between people and what defines marriage and yet we have children in slavery, in prostitution rings and being used as soldiers in petty warlords battles. if we are to support the idea of seperation of church and state, we must take the state out of marriages and leave it to the churchs to decide. as a person that has been married three times and has learned that speaking those words before God did not mean anything to the ones that i spoke them with, i surely will not say them again. for me, those words carried great meaning, but for many they are just words, not to be taken seriously. i can have all the legal benefits of marriage without "getting married".

Today's rant is about being truthful. One of my biggest peeves is people saying one thing and doing or saying another. "Say what you mean, Mean what you say", are just a few words, but they are so powerful and meaningful. I mean, if you tell someone you are going to take out the trash, then mean it and do it. Just as if you say "I,___, take you for my wedded wife/husband, to hold and cherish, to love, forsaking all others", then mean it. Don't say those words if you are not willing to do whatever it takes, and I mean whatever it takes, to honor them. In today's world it is so easy to just marry and divorce, why marry at all? I have taken those vows three times, and while I am not happy that I have three failed marriages, I can say with all my heart that I honored those words and meant them with all my soul and heart. Because I was willing to work through any differences and issues that came up. Anyone that thinks that to have a succesful marriage is to never have issues is just naive or blind or both. It is how you handle and deal with those issues that matters. I am not one to ignore them, hoping they will go away, but I cannot deal with them on my own. It takes two people. If two people love each other enough to say the words, then they should love each other enough to overcome any issues, because at the end of the day, all you will have is each other. Do not say those words if you do not mean them. When I commit to something, whether it is a marriage/relationship or a job, the one thing I do is give it my all. Because if you do not work to overcome the issues, then the other person may go away, but the issues never will. The only way to overcome those issues is to work them out. You have to look back and remember why you wanted to marry that person in the first place, remember all the joy you had each time you saw that person, and know that there are no issues that cannot be overcome to keep that joy in your lives. Do not tell me you love me if you do not mean it, and do not tell me you do not love me if you do not mean it. If you love me, mean it, if you don't then mean that. Express it, do not hold it in. None of us are perfect and it takes two to make things work. Do not expect someone to read your mind, I am sorry, but if people just expect their partner to "pick up" on things, you are being naive again. Say it if you are hurting or if something is bothering you. It can be said words are just words, but that is how humans communicate, with our words. And that is really how it all boils down, communication. The one thing I would hold back is, if a person is verbally or physically abusing someone, then that can be a different subject. But most relationships do not end because of that, they end because the two people involved just stop communicating. I know I talk alot, but part of that is because I do not hold things back, I try my best to communicate what I am feeling. But if I am not getting feedback, then I am left in the dark, and then when I ask if everything is alright and I get a response of "yes" or no response at all, how else am I supposed to think? Holding in everything until a person feels backed into a corner and just wants to give up is a cycle that must be broken or that person will forever have relationships that fail. While mine may be classified as failed relationships, I did not fail because I was always willing to work harder. I am not perfect, but I will always strive to be a better human being, to work out the issues. Tam and I had the best relationship and the most fun either of us had experianced in our lives, but somewhere along the way she just stopped communicating, lumping me in that group of people that don't want to work at making themselves a better person. I am not like that, but I am beginning to feel that is exactly what she is. Instead of working with me to improve our relationship and to come up with ground rules and boundaries for our issues, she just walked away, hoping the next relationship would be better. It will never be different until she realizes the change comes from within. Do I do everything right? Of course not. But do I want to learn to do things differently if that is what it takes? Of course. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Powerful stuff but only if you are willing to do whatever it.

Today’s rant has to do with peoples rudeness in parking lots. There have been so many times that I have nearly been run into because drivers are either too lazy or careless to drive down the designated lanes in a parking lot. I just do not understand how saving one or two seconds can possible improve their lives, especially when they may take someone’s life in the process. Do they have to cut across the parking lanes? Is it so difficult? And that is not to mention that while they are cutting across the parking lanes, they are also traveling at an unsafe speed. I was slightly bumped one time by a woman who was cutting across lanes and did not see me backing out of my parking space. And she had the nerve to be mad at me when she was the one in the wrong! These people just don’t realize that by trying to save a few seconds, they could alter someone’s entire life, including their own.

My next part of this discussion is the rudeness of people that choose to not park in between the lines correctly. For some, I know it is just laziness, for others it is vanity. I personally don’t care how much they paid or have spent on their car, if they feel it is too valuable to park correctly, then don’t bring the car in the first place. Park in between the damn lines like the rest of us! If your vehicle is so big you cannot maneuver it into the slot properly, leave it at home! While I do not claim to be an expert driver, I have driven and parked a number of vehicles in my life, especially when I drove a delivery van and had to squeeze into small apartment parking spaces. With a little care and attention, and learning how to use mirrors properly, there is no reason for a person not to park their vehicle within the lines, even if they are driving something as large as duel wheel pickup truck.

My third and last rant on this subject is people parking right in front of the grocery store while their loved on runs in side for a “quick” purchase. Invariably the loved one gets caught up in a long line, can’t find what they are looking for, or worse, decides to do more than just “quick” shopping. It is usually not a issue when you have one person, but then someone decides “if they can, I can too!” and before you know it, there is a line of car in front of the store creating all kinds of confusion and havoc. They are constantly pulling out, right in front of other cars that are just trying to get out of the parking lot. If you feel that it is too far of a walk from the parking lot, come back later! There are a number of stores open 24 hours nowadays so feel free to return at 4 a.m. when the lot is empty and you have your choice of spaces! Till next time, I’m out!

My step-daughter said something to me today that I felt deserved some attention. She recently got a job working at an Arby's as a cashier. Yesterday she had a quite a day with many irritable customers. You know how when you go through the drive-thru and the cashier asks you to pull forward after you have paid and are waiting for your order? Well, I personally am offended by this action that so many fast food restrauants have undertaken. It is my understanding that they do this because the corporate bosses have put them on a clock to try to improve the time it takes to process each customer. Whatever happened to a little undivided attention? It has become assembly line production. Run 'em in and run 'em out. I feel I have patiently waited my turn and I deserve my few minutes of undivided attention from the attendant and the store I am doing business with. To just shuffle me along so that they can keep the assembly line going is to take that moment of personalized attention away from me. But in my step-daughters defense, she did not make the rules, nor did her managers make up these rules. The corporate big wigs made these rules, and since they sit in an ivory tower espousing their "knowledge" about what is the best way to serve my needs, who is to question them. Well, I question them. Sometimes, even when going to a fast food diner, which by the very definition of the words means speed is what it is all about, a little personal attention is still required and expected. But the local team member or even the manager is not who the anger should be directed at. In a world where everyone can easily voice their opinion (I am talking about the internet, and such tools as this very blogger forum), we should be directing our attention at the corporate home office. All companies have websites nowadays, so we need to use them and let these companies know how we feel. They will get alot more feedback from individual e-mails from each and everyone of us, than they will in their "sample polls". Anyone that cannot grasp that is just a "bubba" that needs to move into the real world.

This is the first entry to my newest blog. This one is devoted entirely to the sharing of my wisdom and opinions, along with references to whatever issues that may be going on in the world at any given moment. Feel free to respond to anything you feel you have an opinion on.