themacmans rants

Today's rant is about being truthful. One of my biggest peeves is people saying one thing and doing or saying another. "Say what you mean, Mean what you say", are just a few words, but they are so powerful and meaningful. I mean, if you tell someone you are going to take out the trash, then mean it and do it. Just as if you say "I,___, take you for my wedded wife/husband, to hold and cherish, to love, forsaking all others", then mean it. Don't say those words if you are not willing to do whatever it takes, and I mean whatever it takes, to honor them. In today's world it is so easy to just marry and divorce, why marry at all? I have taken those vows three times, and while I am not happy that I have three failed marriages, I can say with all my heart that I honored those words and meant them with all my soul and heart. Because I was willing to work through any differences and issues that came up. Anyone that thinks that to have a succesful marriage is to never have issues is just naive or blind or both. It is how you handle and deal with those issues that matters. I am not one to ignore them, hoping they will go away, but I cannot deal with them on my own. It takes two people. If two people love each other enough to say the words, then they should love each other enough to overcome any issues, because at the end of the day, all you will have is each other. Do not say those words if you do not mean them. When I commit to something, whether it is a marriage/relationship or a job, the one thing I do is give it my all. Because if you do not work to overcome the issues, then the other person may go away, but the issues never will. The only way to overcome those issues is to work them out. You have to look back and remember why you wanted to marry that person in the first place, remember all the joy you had each time you saw that person, and know that there are no issues that cannot be overcome to keep that joy in your lives. Do not tell me you love me if you do not mean it, and do not tell me you do not love me if you do not mean it. If you love me, mean it, if you don't then mean that. Express it, do not hold it in. None of us are perfect and it takes two to make things work. Do not expect someone to read your mind, I am sorry, but if people just expect their partner to "pick up" on things, you are being naive again. Say it if you are hurting or if something is bothering you. It can be said words are just words, but that is how humans communicate, with our words. And that is really how it all boils down, communication. The one thing I would hold back is, if a person is verbally or physically abusing someone, then that can be a different subject. But most relationships do not end because of that, they end because the two people involved just stop communicating. I know I talk alot, but part of that is because I do not hold things back, I try my best to communicate what I am feeling. But if I am not getting feedback, then I am left in the dark, and then when I ask if everything is alright and I get a response of "yes" or no response at all, how else am I supposed to think? Holding in everything until a person feels backed into a corner and just wants to give up is a cycle that must be broken or that person will forever have relationships that fail. While mine may be classified as failed relationships, I did not fail because I was always willing to work harder. I am not perfect, but I will always strive to be a better human being, to work out the issues. Tam and I had the best relationship and the most fun either of us had experianced in our lives, but somewhere along the way she just stopped communicating, lumping me in that group of people that don't want to work at making themselves a better person. I am not like that, but I am beginning to feel that is exactly what she is. Instead of working with me to improve our relationship and to come up with ground rules and boundaries for our issues, she just walked away, hoping the next relationship would be better. It will never be different until she realizes the change comes from within. Do I do everything right? Of course not. But do I want to learn to do things differently if that is what it takes? Of course. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Powerful stuff but only if you are willing to do whatever it.