themacmans rants

To tell another person how they should feel or what the should do. I am really worked up into a tizzy over someone I have never met telling me I should do this or do that. Right now, I need to vent and this is the place to do it. Whether this person is just someone pulling a mean prank or they really are who they say they are, it makes me uncomfortable that they say they are "watching me" just because I made the choice to no let go of my feelings for someone. I watch and read Dr. Phil quite alot and I follow his teachings almost cult like, simply because I gained alot of knowledge and wisdom about life at at time when I needed guidenance and direction. And I think if I was letting my feelings for someone keep me from performing at my work or I was neglecting my children, Dr. Phil would be in my face telling me to "get real". But it is just the opposite, my feelings for this person are what keep me focused on my priorities. Raising my daughter, re-entering my son's life, excelling at my job so I can better provide for them. I have re-evaluated my life and where I want to go with it. I have become focused on certain goals and dreams and what I need to do to make them come true. This person has upset me because they think they are helping me when I already have all the help I need. They have just managed to upset what was a perfectly good day with some mean and uncalled for rhetoric. I think if I could stand face to face with this person right now I would kick their ass from Texas to South Dakota. How dare they tell me I should let go of feelings that are mine alone to experience. KISS MY ASS, YOU MOTHERF**KER!!!. I will move on when I am good and ready and not you or anyone else will tell me different. I work, pay my bills, raise my daughter and keep busy with hobbies I have. What part of that is "not moving on"? Unfortutanetly, and I am not proud of this, but I have been through this before and I know there will come a time when I will be ready to meet someone. It is just that this is not the time. The memories, for me at least, are way too fresh in my memory and in my heart. When, and only when, I no longer think of her whenever I am out doing something, is when I might want to find someone new. The longer I go in this journey (now 11 months and 1 day), the more I realize that even when I no longer think of her, I still don't want someone else in my life. I mean why? Just so they can do the same and let me down, disappoint me? That is the last thing I want once again. I have loved and lost, and I still love someone, so I have no need to find someone else. Life is too short, that is why I live life now instead of waiting to share it with someone. My daughter is nearly grown up and I don't want to miss another day of her life. I will be 40 soon so I am already on the downhill side of my life. Just because I choose to remember a past love than find someone new is my choice to make.